Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
