Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
