Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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