I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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