Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
