I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
