forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
