I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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