I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
