I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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