Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.