I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want a musical about memes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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