your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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