I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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