so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
