your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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