A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
