Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
