I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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