Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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