I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
