i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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