i just google imaged poop.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
