Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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