Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
