the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
