Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
should my penis look like a turkey
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sorry about my life...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
