Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you didnt know i had herpes?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
