The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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