You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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