Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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