'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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