Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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