Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
