tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize