around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
