we have officially lost it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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