Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize