I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
