it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
