if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
