you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
