somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
