I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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