from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want to fling myself into the sun
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
