Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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