If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
bring money and cleavage
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
