I wish I could teleport
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
