I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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