I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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