Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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