Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
this hospital has no fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize