I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
