So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
