life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
