I think I won the penis lottery.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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