He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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