He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
