Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
third nipple confirmed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
