yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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