Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize