I can tuck mytits in my pants
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
