So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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