is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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